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As it turns out, I’ve got too much on my mind for this to be a wordless Wednesday. Sorry for the double blog post today, but I don’t know God’s timing and when He is going to speak to me.
I have a hard time verbalizing my feelings, which is why I prefer to write them down. Being pregnant has been hard, because my hormones seem to intensify my emotions. I feel my emotions much more strongly than ever before, which makes it challenging to control them and properly evaluate them. I have had a lot on my mind recently, but I have not felt comfortable talking about this with anyone, because I didn’t think that people would understand. As a result of bottling up my emotions, I’ve hurt those around me, because I have been unhappy and angry with myself. I'm sorry for my actions and am thankful that God's working on me!
Each woman faces her own unique challenges and struggles during pregnancy. The hardest part about pregnancy for me is gaining weight. I have worked so hard to get rid of the extra weight on my body. Not only have I made it to my goal weight, but I was able to maintain it for over 2 years.
Last week was my birthday week and it was so hard! I ate too many sweets and goodies, which caused me to gain over 5 pounds, which is more than what my baby needed in one week. As a result of my big gain, I have felt guilty and ashamed of the weight that I put on. If I had been able to gain a healthy amount of weight that would have been one thing, but in my mind gaining over 5 pounds in one week is not okay even if I am pregnant!
This week, my goal has been to reign myself in again. I want to choose healthy and nutritious foods that are good for both my baby and me. I want to say no to sweets and junk food, which is hard. Just because I am pregnant people think I should be able to eat whatever I want. I believed in this at first, especially for the two months that I was queasy and experiencing morning sickness. What baby wanted, baby got, mostly because nothing else sounded good to eat. However, now that I am feeling so great, I don’t think that means I should eat whatever I want just because I am pregnant.
As you can see, I’ve been so discouraged and frustrated with my weight and the choices this past week.
I receive a weekly email from Jennifer Polimino where she shares with me what I can pray for each week for my baby. This morning, I read her week 17 email which God used to speak to my discouraged heart! Here is the prayer I read:
Dear Lord, as my baby continues to grow, I pray that she will gain the right amount of weight, including the healthy amount of body fat. Help me to eat in a healthy way and exercise on a regular basis so I don't put my baby in jeopardy of having diabetes or other obesity-related health issues. Give me the strength to avoid junk foods and excessive sugar and fat.
Lord, help me to concentrate on good health and not become obsessed with body weight and body image. I know my self-worth comes from You, and not from the way I look. Please help me with that, and help me pass on to my child only good attitudes about her appearance and her weight. Protect my child from eating disorders and a poor self-image.
Empower us, as a family, to live a healthy lifestyle. Empower us to be good testimonies of Your love, forgiveness and life-changing power. I pray that we would shine from an inner glow of Your Holy Spirit, and that it would attract people to You.
Dear God, please continue to bless and guide my baby's development. I thank You for Your love and protection.
In Jesus' name. Amen.
Wow! This is exactly what I’ve been struggling with all week long! It is important that I make healthy choices for myself and my child, however it is not worth it to beat myself up over gaining more weight than I wanted to. I had forgotten to remember that my identity is not found in my ability to maintain my goal weight. However, it is God alone defines who I am!
Thank you Lord for the truth of your word! Help me to dwell on that and not let myself be dragged down by my insecurities. Help me to be a good example to my son/daughter and teach them how to lead a healthy lifestyle. As I gain weight I pray that you would continue to work on my character and make me into the Godly Mom that you want me to be!
"How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord of hosts!" - Psalm 84:1
6 comments:
Remember that God does not use guilt. He uses conviction. And once he convicts, it's done and over with. It sounds like you've definitely responded to that.
If you're continuing to feel guilty and ashamed and bad about your behavior last week, remember that God forgave you already. And He remembers our sins no more. Guilt comes from Satan. So, when it creeps up on you, refuse to entertain those thoughts.
Thanks for your blog post. It is encouraging to hear the struggles of people that we think have it all together. Not that it's an evil "Heh heh heh....you're not so perfect", but more of knowing we're not alone. I hope that makes sense.
Hey! Thanks for opening your heart, I'll be praying with you now that I read your post. I wrote about this same issue yesterday http://www.simplycintia.com/2012/03/pregnancy-body-issues.html
Blessings,
Cintia
I totally understand how you are feeling. My husband and I have been trying for months to get pregnant and have been unable to because of my unhealthyness. It is my hope that once I lose weight and get my body straightened out that my cycles will average out and hopefully become regular. But this is a huge fear of mine, gaining all my weight back during pregnancy because you hear about people gaining large amounts of weight during pregnancy all of the time. I also struggle with the guilt of feeling selfish for having thoughts, because if my baby needs me to gain weight, then that's what I have to do, no questions about it. But the healthy pregnancy weight gain ranges can be suprising, and I think that if you maintain control of your eating, and get help from your doctor, he can let you know how much weight gain is needed, and probably the best ways to prevent that weight from sticking post-pregnancy. Good luck to you. I enjoy reading your blog, and I am so glad that I have found someone who is pregnant post- weight loss that I can follow along with. :)
Praying for you and your baby. Five pounds is not bad. Remember, the Lord knows what you need--and what your baby needs. Some weeks the weight gain may be like that, others, very little. The way your body responds will not be like someone else's. There may be weeks where you eat everything correctly and still gain that much! Don't beat yourself up--enjoy being pregnant! Remember you are an overcomer in Christ Jesus! Don't allow the 'fear' of weight to bring stress and worry.
To be open and honest here - I can honestly say that I almost hope I NEVER get pregnant, and vainly because I've been struggling with my weight since my TEENS and the last thing I need is to go hog wild. But the more I focus on "healthy" and less on a number, the more comfortable I get with the whole pregnancy deal. My husband wants to try for it, so for him, I'm willing - just like for me, he's willing to adopt (for more than just the weight issue). It's a very real insecurity that is more common than you may think! You can't take back the sweets, but you can keep moving forward. Good for you for making good decisions from here on out!
I struggled with the thought of weight gain with my first pregnancy. So much so that I continued to go to weight watchers and count points up until I couldn't hide it anymore. (My dr said it was fine as long as I was following maintenance and not trying to lose. I don't know if that really helps you other than to validate your feelings. It's normal and it is hard to face having to lose again. I really wish that ww had a pregnancy plan!
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