Preface: Two posts in one day! I know that this rarely happens, but I have a lot on my mind.
Part One: A Big Decision
All week, I have been praying for wisdom and clarity. I have been asking the Lord to show me what He wants me to do with my life. You see I have to make several big decisions. The first decision I have to make is about whether or not I want to pursue my Master’s degree at this time. I was accepted into the Master of Psychology program and even registered for classes. Earning my Master’s degree has always been a part of “the plan”…my plan, but is it God’s will for my life? The timing seems perfect, because everything has fallen into place so neatly. Well, if it is so perfect why have I doubting whether or not this is what God really wants me to do?
Yesterday, I had a bad afternoon which came on top of a stressful week. I ended up crying a lot. It got to the point where I was not sure if I would ever stop. I did my best to pull myself together before choir even though my heart was still heavy. Later that night I asked my friend Meagan to pray for me and that I would have wisdom and clarity. I feel like I’ve been praying and praying, but not really getting anywhere this week. Last night, I didn’t feel any closer to making this decision than I did the night before. Why wouldn’t God answer me!?
Part Two: An Encouraging Blog Post
As it turns out, my prayer request inspired my friend Meagan to write a blog post titled “for when the clarity never come”. Please take a moment to read it now and then come back for part three.
Part Three: My Response
Thank you Meagan for writing that blog post because it was just what I needed to hear!
I did not have the “aha” moment that I was hoping for, but apparently I did not need it. I now understand and know the answer to my prayer. In fact I think that I have known the answer all along that I should not go to school right now. However, I do not understand why the Lord is leading me away from my very well thought out plan.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and he will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6
Even though I do not understand what is going on right now, I am trying my best to trust God anyway. I wanted clarity, so that I could be confident in the decision I made. If God were to give me the clarity I desired, I would not have to trust Him and walk by faith. God wants me to take a risk, step out in faith and trust Him to lead me in the right direction.
I need to be willing to trust Him even if I don’t understand what He is doing. Deep down inside I know that God’s plans are the better than mine and I have to trust that He has equipped me to make the right decision. I guess God has other plans for me that I do not know about. Until God tells me otherwise, I am going to rest in the truth that HE KNOWS.